Raising a Child Who Can
by Betty Lou Bettner & Amy Lew
Key Concepts
Courage to Be
Children need courage to face life's challenges and imperfections, not just confidence.
Mistakes as Learning
View errors as valuable opportunities for growth and skill development, not failures.
Natural Consequences
Allow children to experience the logical outcomes of their choices to foster responsibility.
Encouragement Over Praise
Focus on effort, improvement, and contribution rather than just outcomes or inherent traits.
Belonging & Significance
Misbehavior often stems from a child's mistaken belief that they don't belong or aren't significant.
Action Items
Replace generic praise with specific encouragement focusing on effort and progress.
Allow children to experience natural and logical consequences of their actions.
Hold regular family meetings to foster cooperation and shared problem-solving.
Focus on solutions and future actions rather than dwelling on past mistakes.
Connect with your child before correcting behavior to ensure they feel heard and understood.
Core Thesis
Empower children by fostering courage, responsibility, and cooperation through respectful, encouraging interactions.
Mindset Shift
Shift from controlling children's behavior to empowering them to develop their own internal compass and problem-solving abilities.