Raising a Secure Child
by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper & Bert Powell
Key Concepts
Circle of Security
Children need a secure base to explore from and a safe haven to return to for comfort and reassurance.
Be "With"
Truly connect with your child's emotional state, both in joy and distress, without judgment.
Hands On/Off
Provide support when needed (safe haven) and encourage independence when appropriate (secure base).
Shark Music
Recognize and manage your own unresolved emotional issues that interfere with attuned parenting.
Good Enough
Strive for consistent, attuned parenting, understanding that perfection is neither possible nor necessary.
Action Items
Observe your child's needs on the Circle of Security, identifying when they need a secure base or safe haven.
Welcome all of your child's emotions, especially difficult ones, without trying to fix or dismiss them.
Repair ruptures in your relationship quickly and genuinely through apology and reconnection.
Reflect on your own attachment history to understand how it influences your parenting responses.
Prioritize emotional connection and attunement over strict behavior control.
Core Thesis
Secure attachment is cultivated by parents consistently providing a safe haven and secure base for their child.
Mindset Shift
Parenting shifts from managing behavior to consistently meeting a child's deep emotional needs for security and exploration.