Attached
by Amir Levine
Key Concepts
Attachment Styles
People primarily exhibit secure, anxious, or avoidant attachment patterns in relationships.
Protest Behavior
Anxious individuals may engage in actions like calling excessively or withdrawing to re-establish closeness.
Deactivating Strategies
Avoidant individuals use tactics like focusing on flaws or creating distance to maintain independence.
Secure Base
A partner who provides consistent support and safety allows you to explore the world confidently.
Innate Needs
Adults, like children, have legitimate biological needs for closeness, comfort, and reassurance from their partners.
Action Items
Identify your own and your partner's primary attachment style to understand underlying dynamics.
Communicate your needs directly and clearly, avoiding games or assumptions.
Recognize and de-escalate protest behaviors or deactivating strategies in yourself and your partner.
Choose partners who are securely attached or willing to work towards secure functioning.
Prioritize emotional availability and responsiveness to foster a sense of safety and connection.
Core Thesis
Understanding your and your partner's innate attachment styles is crucial for building secure, fulfilling, and lasting relationships.
Mindset Shift
Relationships are not about fierce independence, but about interdependent security, where closeness actually fosters greater autonomy.