The Relationship Cure
by John Gottman
Key Concepts
Bids for Connection
Small gestures or statements partners make to seek attention, affection, or support.
Turning Towards
Actively responding to a partner's bids for connection, strengthening the emotional bond.
Emotional Bank Account
Positive interactions deposit into a relational reserve, buffering against negative ones.
Four Horsemen
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are predictors of relationship failure.
Repair Attempts
Actions or statements used to de-escalate conflict and prevent emotional flooding.
Action Items
Actively notice and respond to your partner's bids for connection throughout the day.
Aim for a 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio in your relationship.
Identify and eliminate the 'Four Horsemen' from your communication patterns.
Practice making and accepting repair attempts during disagreements to de-escalate tension.
Express appreciation and admiration for your partner regularly and specifically.
Core Thesis
Strong relationships are forged through consistent positive interactions and skillful navigation of inevitable conflict.
Mindset Shift
It shifts the focus from avoiding conflict to actively building daily positive connections and mastering repair attempts.